Kelly Sundberg visited West Texas A&M University for a presentation about domestic violence and sexual assault on Thursday, March 12. Sundberg is a teacher, PhD student, managing editor of Brevity magazine and a published author working on her memoir. She acquired an agent when her writing went viral, and she is a survivor of domestic violence.

Sundberg is now divorced, but it wasn’t always easy for her to know she was in danger. She was in love with her abuser. He was her husband, and they have a son together. He was nice, handsome and seemingly the perfect man for her, but she noticed that she had to act around him.

He liked that she was sweet and expected that from her at all times. Their relationship accelerated more quickly than a healthy relationship. After their first two years of marriage, he physically intimidated her. He followed a common pattern of abusers by moving her to another state where she had no friends or family, and the hitting began.

“The first time he ever hit me, I was relieved,” Sundberg said. “It had been building up for so long that when he hit me, I thought, ‘Thank goodness he’s finally hit me. Now he’s going to realize what he’s been doing and he will change.’”

It took many years and a few serious injuries for Kelly to believe she was being abused. She finally left him and found peace and is sure that she made the right decision.

After telling her story, she shared others about domestic violence and sexual assault, experiences with the justice system and victim blaming.

“I believe in the power of storytelling as a way of combating violence in our culture,” Sundberg said. “One in six women will be the victim of an attempted or completed rape in her lifetime. One in four women will experience domestic violence in her lifetime. In a domestic violence situation, it usually takes 7 attempts to leave before a victim is successful.”

Sundberg said domestic violence charges are the most dropped charges in America. Only three out of 32 reported rapes are referred to prosecutors, and only two reported rapes will receive a felony charge.

“Of these 32 reported rapes, two rapists will spend a day in jail,” Sundberg said.

Victim blaming occurs when the victim is made to look responsible for receiving abuse or assault.

“We don’t need to be telling women, ‘Don’t drink too much. You might get raped.’ We need to be telling men, ‘Don’t rape. If a woman is drunk and cannot consent, you cannot have sex with her,’” Sundberg said.

Meri Lyn Odell, Victim Assistance Coordinator at WTAMU in coordination with the Clery Act, is in charge of writing the reports and emails sent to students regarding sexual assaults. These include safety tips for preventing such crimes. She has been challenged for victim blaming, although by law followed by Scott C. Nolan – DUI attorney, she is required to add these safety tips.

“I’ve tried to do more research and consider my wording. I try to be really careful and think from the perspective that it needs to be a safety tip, but I also need to be careful not to say something that puts blame on the victim and sort of re-victimizes them,” Odell said.

Megan Moore, senior Broadcast Journalism and English major and editor of The Prairie, said the goal of bringing Sundberg to campus was to bring awareness to the subject and help those who face similar situations.

“We as a news organization had talked about addressing sexual assault on campus and decided to do a series on it,” Moore said. “I read Kelly’s essay, ‘Apology Not Accepted,’ and was absolutely moved by her writing and story. Audience members cried and were thanking her. I think just that fact made it all worthwhile.”

Sundberg said people sometimes act like it is a privilege to be abused, speaking on her recent success.

“It’s important for women to tell their stories,” she said. “A lot of stories are not being told by news media. Media makes outliers the majority. No one wants to be raped or abused. It is not a privilege.”

For more information about Kelly Sundberg and her writing, visit her blog at letterofapology.blogspot.com.