This is part six of a seven part series.
When Mercedes got to Tucson, her mother was waiting for her. Marchelle seemed excited when her daughter walked into the room. That night, Mercedes had her favorite meal, tacos and a laid with her mom for hours. That night, her brothers tried to drag her away, but she wasn’t going anywhere. Mercedes had waited so long to be at home for good she wasn’t about to leave her mom again.
“It was good to be home, but then at the same time, to see her in so much pain and see everything going downhill and seeing my whole life crumble, was the worst feeling ever,” said Mercedes. There were times when Marchelle would be incoherent that she wouldn’t be able to have conversations with her family. Mercedes and her brothers watched their mom night and day.
One thing that Marchelle wanted to accomplish in her lifetime was to take her family to San Diego. Mercedes was opposed to this trip simply because of the energy that it would take out of her mother. But she was overruled and the family packed up and went six hours down Interstate 8 to San Diego.
When the family was together and went to Sea World that was the best day that Marchelle had in a while. The trip was the first time that Mercedes had seen her mother focused on her wants, her needs. It was Marchelle’s choice to go to San Diego, nobody else’s.
The trip is when Mercedes felt the closest to her family; everybody was happy and they were all thankful that they had made it to that weekend.
When they got back to Tucson, the watch schedule resumed. The trip to San Diego zapped much of the energy out of Marchelle that she had difficulty walking and getting out of chairs.
Sitting by her mom’s side, all day and all night, was just eating away at Mercedes. She had to get out of the house. To help out, she started waiting tables, two days a week for two hours.
One day, after Mercedes got home from work, Marchelle had a seizure and passed out. With her mother’s order to not resuscitate, Mercedes thought the worst was happening right then. Eventually, Marchelle came to and that’s when the decision was made for Marchelle to enter hospice.
Marchelle was given medicine while she was in hospice and she had more life in her during her stay. Mercedes continued to watch her night and day.
On the morning of June 6, Mercedes felt like something was off. The doctors gave Marchelle another week, but still, something was out of place to Mercedes. Mercedes doesn’t know why, but she didn’t really go near her mom that day. On one instance, after a bath, Mercedes helped to move her mom and Marchelle had very little body movement. Mercedes called the nurse and the nurse informed her that Marchelle had slipped into a coma. The cancer was strangling her, she couldn’t breathe.
On Wednesday, June 6, 2012, Marchelle passed away, a victim of melanoma. She was just 49 years old. She lived for others, never asking anyone for help but always thinking of everybody else before herself.
Mercedes was a mess. She had watched her mom lose everything with each passing minute. Mercedes stayed in hospice that day and took condolences from everybody that was giving them. She sat at a table with three childhood friends and shared memories until about 2:30 in the morning.
“That moment is a moment that you will always remember perfectly clear,” said Alyssa, who experienced immediate flashbacks to when her mother passed away, which caught her off guard. “I felt helpless because I knew nothing I could say or do at that point in time could save her from the hurt and the pain she was feeling.”
Alyssa, not expecting her to answer, called Mercedes after she found out about Marchelle’s death. Alyssa left her a message in voicemail. The content of the message was simple: Alyssa knew what Mercedes was going through and she just wanted to be there for her. Because Mercedes didn’t pick up her phone for a few days after the passing, she didn’t receive Alyssa’s message until later.
The next day, when her head came off the pillow in the morning, Mercedes realized that, for the first time, she was facing a day that her mother wasn’t facing. That day, that Thursday, was a new low for Mercedes. It was only a Thursday, but it was the first day of the rest of her life without her mom. Mercedes says she wasn’t prepared for even 10 percent of the process of losing her mother. She felt empty inside. That Thursday also meant that Mercedes had to start preparing for Marchelle’s celebration of her life.
Mercedes now had to help plan the services and go through her mom’s things. The clothes, the pictures, the memories, all of them brutal reminders that her mom was now gone. On Friday, June 15, Marchelle’s celebration of life was held in the Tucson Convention Center. Mercedes believes there were over 500 people in attendance. The last several days were a whirlwind, so to hear all the memories exchanged at the service, that’s when Mercedes could really slow down and begin to process life without her mother.
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